It is said that perfectionism is mentally dangerous, but recent treatises have come to the terrifying conclusion that perfectionism will die. Hey.
・ The more perfectionists are, the more likely they are to die on their own.
・ The most not good mental thing is " trying to live up to the expectations of others. "
Do you have any idea? I have an idea of myself in the past. That's why I got depressed. No, I'm glad I'm alive now. Well, at that time I wanted to die.
A characteristic of perfectionism
That's why perfectionism was reported in a treatise archived at Atomi University Women's University .
According to
Perfectionists aren't confident in themselves because they're just searching for their lives . In addition, he has unrealistic high ideals , his judgment is distorted, and he is convinced that the ability to achieve his goals is a human value. Perfectionism tends to think that every problem has a perfect solution, that it is possible and necessary to do things perfectly, and that even the slightest mistake can have serious consequences (Flett). & Hewitt, 2002). The characteristics of perfectionism are high standards of demand for oneself, self-assessment of achievement and success, attention to failure rather than success and constant pursuit of success, and self-criticism (Dunkley, Zuroff, & Blankstein, 2003).
In other words, I have an ideal that is far above my ability , and because I only look at that ideal, I do not notice the gap with reality and my judgment in reality is distorted , and I think that success is natural and failure is not allowed. , I get anxious and pressured .
However, even if I work mentally or work toward my goals, I am actually aiming for an ideal that I can't reach, so when I realize I can't do it, I'm disappointed and my heart breaks. It's dangerous.
You can't blame anyone if you admit that what you believe is ideal and what you believe is impossible in reality, the bad is yourself, the demon of self-loathing, and the whirlpool of remorse. I will end up.
There were times when I ended up with "what have I done so far", "a completely useless life", "I'm going to have a useless life in the future", and "I'm dead with you" ( Experiences).
You should stop perfectionism
If you read this far and say, "No, but I don't want to stick to perfectionism!", It's better to stop this at least, so please listen for a moment.
Do not live up to the expectations of others
First, people who "try to meet the expectations of others" who are said to have a strong tendency to commit suicide . In this case, I think that there are few things that others are actually expecting. I am convinced that I am "very expected" without permission. Even if they were expected, they would have misunderstood that they were expecting more than that. And I think there are some aspects that I have expectations for myself.
So, if you think people are expecting you, check with the person you think you are expecting. I 'm sure he will say, "You don't have to do that. Seriously." I just thought you had to do it perfectly.
On the other hand, if someone says, "I'm expecting more, do it properly," that person may be a psychopath. It might be better to keep a distance.
I don't care because everyone makes mistakes
You're a perfectionist who can't tolerate even the slightest mistakes, but you're distracted by not making small mistakes, and you're unaware of the big mistakes, and you're insanely shocked and fall into self-loathing.
On the contrary, you can think that a small mistake is a necessary evil. No one will blame you.
Break down your goals and clear them right in front of you
Even if you suddenly say, "Ideal is too high, you can't do it," that will make you lose confidence.
So, instead of trying to jump toward the ideal, think about what to do toward the ideal goal in 10 steps, step by step, or "This is one year to reach the ideal. It's a good idea to set goals by dividing them by time and clear them from the one in front of you, such as "Because it should be about this in half a year, so let's aim for this in a month first."